By
Yvette M Currie
Ever thought about keeping your relationship healthy, in terms of fitness? Stay with me here, on the metaphorical comparisons.
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Ever thought about keeping your relationship healthy, in terms of fitness? Stay with me here, on the metaphorical comparisons.
Regular
relationship health and maintenance is just as important as physical
health and maintenance.
Without regular attention, it will atrophy. If you've ever attempted running on a regular basis, gone on hiatus for a period of time, and then attempted to take it up, again, it can feel a bit like Sisyphus,
pushing rocks up hill.
Returning to exercise or starting it up for the first time, ever, can feel unnatural, cause some pain, even induce crying! If you've ever seen an episode of the first weeks of the Biggest Loser, you'll notice contestants in their heavier states, throwing up, wailing, even falling to the ground. At this level, exercise can be a painful shock to the system. It's tempting to contemplate just letting it go and leaving the body unattended. In this way, pain can be avoided (so the rationale goes).
However, as we've been made aware by endless amounts of fitness research, this logic doesn't hold true. Without consistent maintenance, the body suffers, in the long run, with all kinds of overall health risks, some even leading to death. When a relationship is left unattended, such as ignoring areas of dissent, hoping to avoid the pain of confrontation, or positive attributes are left unacknowledged, it too, can die.
Consider approaching the relationship proactively, seeking to sustain the relationship for the long haul. More specifically, when something is going well or going right, within the relationship, pay it mind. Give an authentic compliment for something you genuinely appreciate.
According to some research, it takes 6-10 compliments to undo one criticism. Why not build up your relational reserve so full, that it overflows, in case you do get into a situation requiring a bit of reactivity? Sometimes reactivity is unavoidable, but as a way of life, it damages the relationship.
Look to take care of matters before they become crises. Nurture the relationship. Feed it healthfully and mindfully. When you work out consistently and tend to eat clean, eating fried cheesecake occasionally, is not going to demolish your body. Try and talk, connect, and spend time together, when things are running smoothly, not just when something is troublesome.
Simply put, find what is working and do more of it. Stay the course.
This is in line with the "carrot" versus the "stick" philosophy. People tend to briefly alter behavior, when afraid of the "stick" and the punishment, but real, internal, lasting change, tends to occur when people feel loved, cared about, and inspired to do so. Think of reactivity as "the stick" and proactivity as "the carrot."
Like the occasional slip with fried cheesecake, all is not lost, when an argument has occurred. Just remember grace (per Wikipedia: a temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve), and return to your regularly scheduled routine. To keep throwing fried clog into your system, because you've gone off track, will add to overall disease. Try and keep in mind, we are all flawed, and can move forward, thanks to many of our errors.
This is a powerful way to maintain relationship fitness.
Without regular attention, it will atrophy. If you've ever attempted running on a regular basis, gone on hiatus for a period of time, and then attempted to take it up, again, it can feel a bit like Sisyphus,
pushing rocks up hill.
Returning to exercise or starting it up for the first time, ever, can feel unnatural, cause some pain, even induce crying! If you've ever seen an episode of the first weeks of the Biggest Loser, you'll notice contestants in their heavier states, throwing up, wailing, even falling to the ground. At this level, exercise can be a painful shock to the system. It's tempting to contemplate just letting it go and leaving the body unattended. In this way, pain can be avoided (so the rationale goes).
However, as we've been made aware by endless amounts of fitness research, this logic doesn't hold true. Without consistent maintenance, the body suffers, in the long run, with all kinds of overall health risks, some even leading to death. When a relationship is left unattended, such as ignoring areas of dissent, hoping to avoid the pain of confrontation, or positive attributes are left unacknowledged, it too, can die.
Consider approaching the relationship proactively, seeking to sustain the relationship for the long haul. More specifically, when something is going well or going right, within the relationship, pay it mind. Give an authentic compliment for something you genuinely appreciate.
According to some research, it takes 6-10 compliments to undo one criticism. Why not build up your relational reserve so full, that it overflows, in case you do get into a situation requiring a bit of reactivity? Sometimes reactivity is unavoidable, but as a way of life, it damages the relationship.
Look to take care of matters before they become crises. Nurture the relationship. Feed it healthfully and mindfully. When you work out consistently and tend to eat clean, eating fried cheesecake occasionally, is not going to demolish your body. Try and talk, connect, and spend time together, when things are running smoothly, not just when something is troublesome.
Simply put, find what is working and do more of it. Stay the course.
This is in line with the "carrot" versus the "stick" philosophy. People tend to briefly alter behavior, when afraid of the "stick" and the punishment, but real, internal, lasting change, tends to occur when people feel loved, cared about, and inspired to do so. Think of reactivity as "the stick" and proactivity as "the carrot."
Like the occasional slip with fried cheesecake, all is not lost, when an argument has occurred. Just remember grace (per Wikipedia: a temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve), and return to your regularly scheduled routine. To keep throwing fried clog into your system, because you've gone off track, will add to overall disease. Try and keep in mind, we are all flawed, and can move forward, thanks to many of our errors.
This is a powerful way to maintain relationship fitness.
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